Haters Hating or Constructive Criticism?

Feedback is a tough racket.   If it’s unsolicited we can get defensive, often using the “haters gonna hate” mantra to explain away things we don’t want to hear. SPOILER ALERT: The hater in questions doesn’t hate… they’re too caught up in their own head to worry about hating you!   If it’s requested and not positive, it can cut to the bone.   In this “participation award”, “everyone gets a trophy” world we’re in, many people are not prepared to accept feedback at all. In my book “Half a  Glass: The Realist’s Guide” I talk about constructive criticism and feedback but I wanted to point out this little nugget from The Daily Muse about accepting criticism:

3. Listen for Understanding   You’ve avoided your typical reaction, your brain is working, and you’ve recalled all the benefits of feedback—high-five! Now, you’re ready to engage in a productive dialogue as your competent, thoughtful self (as opposed to your combative, Mean Girls self).   As the person shares feedback with you, listen closely. Allow the person to share his or her complete thoughts, without interruption. When he or she is done, repeat back what you heard. For example, “I hear you saying that you want me to provide more detailed weekly reports, is that right?” At this point, avoid analyzing or questioning the person’s assessment; instead, just focus on understanding his or her comments and perspective. And give the benefit of the doubt here—hey, it’s difficult to give feedback to another person. Recognize that the person giving you feedback may be nervous or may not express his or her ideas perfectly.

The last sentence is a very important message. It can easily apply to complainers. Often the complainers may not know how to express themselves and it comes out raw, blunt and sometimes just plain mean. Get past the inflection and focus on the information. It’s not easy. I am constantly pulling muscles in my eyes trying to prevent rolling them when listen to people prattle on with “feedback” that is unspecific, vague and subjective. But sometimes underneath their awkward candor is valuable advice.  

Craig Price has helped thousands of people learn to find the value in their own negative thoughts and emotions. His signature keynote “Getting a Grip on Negativity” and the companion book “Half a Glass: The Realist’s Guide” gets audiences to understand how to use negativity as a tool for change and productivity.   If you are interested in having Craig present at your next conference, association meeting or corporate event please call 877-572-7890 or email Craig@SpeakerCraigPrice.com today to ask about pricing and availability


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